The Most Uninteresting Man In The World – Updated
by Michael A. Maynard
April 18, 2015

Who is the most uninteresting man in the world? And why is he running to become President of the United States?

I am a big fan of the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man In The World” commercials. Of course, anything that is based upon me and my life has to be the most interesting in the world. Here is a compilation of some of the best Dos Equis commercials (about me).

These are some of my favorite Most Interesting Man In The World statements (about myself):

His passport requires no photograph

Once a rattlesnake bit him, after 5 days of excruciating pain, the snake finally died

If he were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off a strong urge to thank him

Whatever side of the tracks he’s currently on is the right side, even if he crosses the tracks he’ll still be on the right side

Superman has pajamas with his logo

The circus ran away to join him

He once brought a knife to a gunfight… just to even the odds

The dark is afraid of him

He lives vicariously through himself

His business card simply says ‘I’ll Call You”

And finally……………

He has inside jokes with people he’s never met. (That one my Facebook and Twitter friends know is true).

The star of the Dos Equis commercials is the 76 year old actor, Jonathan Goldsmith. This famous Hispanic personality is really a Russian Jew who grew up in the Bronx. Mr. Goldsmith has also appeared in The Shootist (1976), Go Tell the Spartans (1978), Hang ‘Em High (1968) and Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge (1989). (Source: IMDb). He has also appeared in the TV series Gunsmoke, Star Trek and Dallas. Over the last half century, Goldsmith has been shot, drowned, and electrocuted.

After making his way to Los Angeles, Goldsmith became famous for getting killed in classic shows from the 1960’s, 70’s, and 80’s. Marshal Matt Dillon alone killed him five different times on Gunsmoke. Mr. Goldsmith has been killed by the best of them. John Wayne shot The Most Interesting Man In The World in The Shootist.

To support himself, he once drove a garbage truck. This is how Mr. Goldsmith became the Most Interesting Man in the World. (He imitated his friend, Fernando Lamas, and didn’t say You Look Mahvelous.)

In the words of Adam Wills, a senior editor at the Jewish Journal of Greater Los Angeles, Jonathan Goldsmith, “the actor who portrays the Most Interesting Man in the World is more likely to attend a bar mitzvah than a Quinceañera.”

If Jonathan Goldsmith is the Most Interesting Man in the World, then who is the Most Uninteresting Man in the World? This man……..

Yes, the Junior United States Senator from Florida, Marco Rubio, a real Hispanic actor,  is the Most Uninteresting Man in the World. This man wasn’t smart enough to put a glass of water within reach before delivering the  GOP response to President Barack Obama’s 2013 State Of The Union Message (SOTU). Fortunately, no one who has ever delivered the response to SOTU has ever gone on to become president.

The media-savvy Republican got favorable reviews, but his night was almost derailed by a bottle of water. When Rubio came to the 10-minute mark in his 14-minute speech, he paused, looked down and to his left, and then looked back at the camera as he bent and reached for a small Poland Spring bottle. For a few brief, excruciating seconds, Rubio took a sip of the water as he looked directly into the camera, and then put it quickly down and resumed speaking.

Twitter exploded. Video of the moment was quickly posted, Democratic operatives cackled, and journalists complained about the volume of chatter about Rubio’s thirst.


There are potentially 23 candidates for the Republican presidential nomination. Some are noteworthy for being cra-cra, like Senator Rafael “Ted” Cruz, Jr. of Texas. Some are noteworthy for being really stupid, like the former Governor of Texas, Rick Perry, who thinks wearing frames with no glasses in them makes himself appear more intelligent. Some disturbingly cross the line about the constitutional separation of Church and State, like former Pennsylvania Senator, Rick Santorum, and former Arkansas Governor, Mike Huckabee, who want to establish a Christian religious political theocracy. Some, like former Florida Governor James Edward Bush, current New Jersey Governor Chris Christie and current Wisconsin Governor Rick Walker, are off-the-Bell-Curve corrupt. The others? Who cares?

But Marco Rubio is not cra-cra, not extremely stupid (but close), not a religious zealot, or not extraordinarily corrupt. He’s just dumb, bland and uninteresting.

Senator Rubio had the chance in this big nationally and internationally broadcast speech to stand out, to become the next young rising political star, like Presidents Clinton and Obama, who used their first big appearance to catapult their political careers.

He could have established himself as the next generation of political leaders, like youthful Presidential candidate John Fitzgerald Kennedy did.  Rubio did use his too often repeated personal story as rationale for his political existence — that his parents escaped from Cuba to come to America to “experience the American dream”. This story may have been interesting the first 10 times he told it, but it has lost a lot of its charm in his constant retelling of it.

But no. He did not.

What Rubio did say was:

This idea – that our problems were caused by a government that was too small – it’s just not true. In fact, a major cause of our recent downturn was a housing crisis created by reckless government policies.

And the idea that more taxes and more government spending is the best way to help hardworking middle class taxpayers – that’s an old idea that’s failed every time it’s been tried.

More government isn’t going to help you get ahead. It’s going to hold you back.

More government isn’t going to create more opportunities. It’s going to limit them.

And more government isn’t going to inspire new ideas, new businesses and new private sector jobs. It’s going to create uncertainty.

Because more government breeds complicated rules and laws that a small business can’t afford to follow.

Because more government raises taxes on employers who then pass the costs on to their employees through fewer hours, lower pay and even layoffs.

And because many government programs that claim to help the middle class, often end up hurting them instead.

For example, Obamacare was supposed to help middle class Americans afford health insurance. But now, some people are losing the health insurance they were happy with. And because Obamacare created expensive requirements for companies with more than 50 employees, now many of these businesses aren’t hiring. Not only that; they’re being forced to lay people off and switch from full-time employees to part-time workers.

Yawn.

Here is his full speech.

Same old Republican nonsense that has been proven to be wrong. In fairness to Rubio, the Republican Party has no real-world policies to run on. More tax cuts for the very wealthy, which they are trying to do again, does not help stimulate the overall economy. They just give economist Arthur Laffer another excuse to embarrass himself and are payoffs to  the ultra-rich Republican Party campaign benefactors.

The idea that the United States can impose its will on the rest of the world through military intervention has been proven not to work. See the results of the disastrous Cheney-Bush foreign policy in the Middle East, Africa and parts of Asia. The idea that business crippling government regulations are killing the US economy has been proven not to be valid. Check out corporate profits, the Dow Jones 500 Industrial Average and the unemployment rate from when President George W. Bush left office (and the first 12 months after) to where they are today. But there have been lots of oil tanker and pipeline spills that the taxpayers have been stuck paying for the clean-up. And “Obamacare” has helped millions of Americans find affordable health care, many for the first time.

So what is Rubio going to say? He could say the truth. The Republican Party has been doing everything in its power to bring down the presidency of Barack Obama because the GOP has become racist. Rubio could state that, as a Hispanic-American,  he is deeply offended about how his party treats the President and  about how hateful and wrong the GOP’s policies on immigration and public assistance really are.  As a member of the august 100 in the United States Senate, he could have stated that he will not longer tolerate his party’s obstructionism and unwillingness to govern. And he could have said what new ideas for policies and changes to existing policies he would undertake to lead his party.

He didn’t.

Since then, Senator Marco Rubio has had two chances to distinguish himself as a “Ready-For-Prime-Time” political figure: supporting the nuclear framework discussions with Iran, and the relaxing of the economic embargo and reestablishment of relations with his parents’ homeland of Cuba.

He didn’t.

Rubio was one of the 47 Senators who signed the seditious letter sent to leaders of Iran trying to undermine the nuclear disarmament discussions. He was usurped by the first-term Senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, in being seditiously interesting.  Rubio was later taken to school by Secretary of State John Kerry and Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter in a Senate Foreign Relations committee meeting.

Yawn.

Here was Senator Rubio’s response to the Obama Administration’s opening of  the relations with Cuba, after 50 years of isolationism and economic sanctions.

Yawn.

Most Cubans and Cuban-Americans think the reestablishment of relations is a great idea.

The non-Cuban American people do, too. According to CBS News/New York Times poll, 54% of Americans agree that relations with Cuba should be restored.

CBS/NYT Poll On Reestablish Relations With Cuba

CBS/NYT Poll On Reestablish Relations With Cuba


Typical Marco Rubio, a lot of platitudes, but no substance. And calling the President and the State Department “willfully ignorant”,  “disgraceful” and “the single worst negotiator” is willfully ignorant and disgraceful on the Senator’s part. If you want change the policies of other countries, it is done through negotiation, trade and exchange, like the Nixon Administration did with China. It is not done through isolationism, militarism and silence. And, somehow, the Republicans keep forgetting that one deal can lead to follow on deals, changes can be made to the existing deal, based upon experience, and can lead to finding of other areas mutual of interest.

The one area where Senator Marco Rubio attempted to take a leadership stance was on creating an updated immigration policy.  He since then has backed away from his ideas.

Senator Marco Rubio has no real reason to be running for President in 2014. That he is shows the dilapidated state of the current Republican Party. If you have 23 candidates running for President, then you really have NO CANDIDATES who should be President. Senator Rubio is just another  Presidential wannabe, a non-entity, who believes he should be President because Barack Obama was elected president.  His jealousness is so transparent and childish.

But all too typical. And uninteresting.

Those are the reasons why Senator Marco Rubio is the Most Uninteresting  Man In The World. There are no good reasons to listen to him. And he definitely should not be running to become the Leader of The Free World, when he can’t figure out how to place a bottle of water within reach.

It’s too bad. Marco Rubio has the nationality, youth and  the external package to be an attractive Presidential candidate. If he would only dare to stand up on his own party and standout in policy matters, he could be somebody. He could be a contender. It’s not too late for him, unlike this poor man.

Before we end this article, here is one more Most Interesting Man In The World commercial.

And my $0.02 is worth $7.00 in change.

Stay thirsty, my friends.

Copyright © February 2015, Michael A. Maynard, Stow, Massachusetts.

Please feel free to leave comments below. Also, if you’ve found this article interesting and informative, please pass it along to others,  even the uninteresting ones.

For more of my articles, visit my WordPress site: mmaynard119.wordpress.com.

UPDATED: April 20, 2015

I made two unsupported claims in the article: (1. The immigration story about Senator Marco Rubio’s parents escaping Cuba and (2. Rubio’s lack of legislative accomplishments in the Senate.

1. The Immigration Story Revisited (from PoliFact Florida)

He told a Tampa Bay TV station, a Fox Business host and Sean Hannity on Fox News that his parents came from Cuba at the end of the 1950s — when dictator Fulgencio Batista fled Fidel Castro’s revolution. “In 1959,” he told Fox 13 and Fox Business. “In ’58, ’59,” he told Fox News.

By Oct. 21, 2011, the biography on his U.S. Senate website still declared his parents “came to America following Fidel Castro’s takeover.”

But interviewsdocuments and news articles in September and October raised doubts.

PolitiFact Florida wanted to know: Did Rubio’s parents come to America “following Fidel Castro’s takeover”?…

In 2006, Rubio, the young soon-to-be speaker of the Florida House, would recount the takeover: “In January of 1959, a thug named Fidel Castro took power in Cuba, and countless Cubans were forced to flee.”

To many, he seemed to count his own family among them.

And in 2009 and 2010, he told reporters dates that made that possible. News stories called the lawmaker, himself born in the United States in 1971, the son of “exiles from Castro’s Cuba.” Some used a specific date: 1959.

Instead of fleeing Castro’s Cuba, the Rubios came to the United States for “economic opportunity,” Conant said. (MM: Rubio’s spokesperson Alex Conant)

Our ruling

Several times during his race for U.S. Senate, Rubio told reporters and voters his parents left Cuba in 1959, suggesting they had fled Castro’s rule. In his campaign bio, and later in his official Senate biography, he said his parents “came to America following Fidel Castro’s takeover.”

Even after he stumbled over dates with a Miami Herald reporter and acknowledged his parents left before the revolution, his official Web bio stayed the same. After two news organizations reported his parents moved to the United States in 1956, his spokesman acknowledged that the bio was wrong. It was updated to say, “Marco was born in Miami in 1971 to Cuban exiles who first arrived in the United States in 1956.”

That puts everyone in agreement: The original statement is False.

 

2. Senator Marco Rubio’s Legislative Record: (From OnTheIssues.org)

The website, On The Issues, summarizes the legislative record of members of the United States Congress.The following is an encapsulation of the record of Senator Marco Rubio on many pertinent topics. His record is not pretty, full of contradictions and “flip-flops” and has many all too typical wrong-headed standard Republican policy statements.

Woman’s Reproductive Rights:

  • I believe in protecting life but I’m not a chauvinist. (Mar 2013)
  • Pro-life, but understands that woman’s right is the law. (Jun 2012)
  • Require ultrasounds before performing abortions. (Feb 2010)
  • Voted against funding stem cell research. (Apr 2006)
  • Opposes both federal abortion funding & judicial activism. (Aug 2010)
  • Supports prohibiting human embryonic stem cell research. (Aug 2010)
  • Supports giving legal protection to unborn children. (Sep 2010)
  • Prohibit federal funding for abortion. (May 2011)

Budget & The Economy:

  • Tax, borrow, & spend is not the way out of the recession. (Feb 2013)
  • Real problem is $1T deficit each year since 2009. (Feb 2013)
  • Oppose Obama stimulus package; it’s bad for America. (Mar 2010)
  • Disapprove of increasing the debt limit. (Jan 2012)

Corporations:

  • 2004: Pushed $60M tax subsidy for Marlins baseball stadium. (Jun 2012)
  • Accused of sweetheart deal: $200K profit on sale of house. (Jun 2012)
  • Eliminate taxes on capital gains; lower corporate tax rates. (Feb 2010)
  • Rated 14% by UFCW, indicating a pro-management voting record. (May 2012)
    (UFCW – United Food and Commercial Workers)

Education:

  • Turn over Head Start to states. (Jan 2014)
  • Give parents chance to send kids to school of their choice. (Feb 2013)
  • Private partnerships for provision of school services. (Nov 2006)
  • Supports less federal & more local control of education. (Sep 2010)

Energy & Oil:

  • Our government can’t control the weather. (Feb 2013)
  • Grow our energy industry, not “clean energy” like Solyndra. (Feb 2013)
  • Voted YES on barring EPA from regulating greenhouse gases. (Apr 2011)
  • Signed the No Climate Tax Pledge by AFP. (Nov 2010)
  • Cap-and-trade has no impact on global temperatures. (Jul 2010)
  • Opposes passage of Cap-and-Trade energy legislation. (Sep 2010)
  • Let states lease energy rights on federal lands. (Jun 2013)

Scandals:

  • Accused of spending $160,000 on GOP party credit card. (Jun 2012)
  • Ignore political press’ hyped controversy; stick to message. (Jun 2012)
  • Repaid Florida GOP for overspending on party credit card. (Jul 2010)
  • Home purchases funded by very GOP-friendly bank boards. (Jul 2010)
  • $600,000 fund was not taxpayer money, & is fully accounted. (Mar 2010)
  • Member of the Tea Party movement. (Aug 2010)
  • Rated 100% by the AU, indicating opposition to separation of church & state. (Jan 2013) (AU is Americans United)

Taxes:

  • 2007: Replace all property taxes by adding 2.5% to sales tax. (Feb 2014)
  • Replace property taxes with a consumption tax. (Jun 2012)
  • We need new taxpayers, not new taxes. (Apr 2012)
  • No one should pay higher taxes in recession, not even top 2%. (Oct 2010)
  • Extend Bush tax cuts, even for high earners. (Oct 2010)
  • 2000: $4 surcharge to cruise tickets to fund Marlins stadium. (Jul 2010)
  • Capital gains tax is double taxation. (Feb 2010)
  • Supports flat-rate federal tax; opposes increased tax rates. (Aug 2010)
  • Adopt a single-rate tax system. (Jul 2010)
  • Repeal tax hikes in capital gains and death tax. (Jul 2010)

And of course, Immigration:

  • Human trafficking law & deferred action caused border crisis. (Aug 2014)
  • FactCheck: No MarcoPhones, and no executive DREAMers either.
  • Border control: 90% apprehension and 100% surveillance. (Apr 2013)
  • Not amnesty: 15-year wait, plus fee, minus federal benefits. (Apr 2013)
  • Green cards after 10 years; secure border; & e-Verify. (Apr 2013)
  • English is de facto official language; let’s recognize that. (Jun 2012)
  • Legal status, but not citizenship, to migrant’s children. (Jun 2012)
  • No amnesty in any form, not even back-of-the-line. (Mar 2010)
  • Oppose amnesty in any reform. (Feb 2010)
  • Opposes granting amnesty to illegal immigrants. (Sep 2010)
  • Supports full implementation of current border security laws. (Sep 2010)

And his record gets worse from there. For Senator Marco Rubio’s record on all the issues, please visit:

http://www.ontheissues.org/Senate/Marco_Rubio.htm

If you had any questions whether Senator Marco Rubio should become President, vising OnTheIssues.Org will disabuse you of that notion quickly.

 

 


Columnist/Journalist/Writer/Book Editor Co-Founder/CEO of Azimuth Partners, high tech consulting firm for 30+ years. Former columnist for the Washington Post/Newsweek syndicate.

2 Comment on “The Most Uninteresting Man In The World – Updated

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: